It was too late
by Draco-Zelda
Summary: Even though affections can be shown, that doesn't mean you are going to live happily ever after. A look on what would have happened if Mello and Near had been true. Mello/Near


Everything can be defined in numbers, letters, or a mixture of the two. No matter what happens you can exchange it to a variable and then add it with another converted image to create a logical explanation.

Love is a hormonal creation in which your body perceives an image of beauty and changes a certain chemical in your body to feel excited, happy, or just love struck. It is not magical; it is just a chemical reaction in the body.

Some people react to the same sex, others react to the opposing sex. Who is to say what is right and what is wrong to feel around others?

Me? Well I am not attracted to really anything to be honest. I sit behind my tinker toy made wall and attempt to block out the fellow people my age holding their reproductive yang to their ying. Which even though sounds extremely disconnected from what people seem to believe is love, it is simply stating a fact. I am not going to want to kiss a maiden in the midnight air no matter how puffy her hair may be or no matter how much those eyes refract in the moon.

Or what I should say is that this is exactly what I thought before my little fiascos with lust over the last couple of weeks. It is hard to believe that my personality could swing so much with just one little frame of time.

It started last week…

~Monday

Mood; sleep deprived and somewhat bored.

Time; nine pm

It was a simple enough evening if one could call it that. I was putting together a puzzle near the fire of the Wammy house when I heard the sounds of an angry Mello's blaring from the other room.

"It isn't your damn decision!" _Here he goes again, _I thought, trying to keep a blank expression as the sound of a desk being flung onto the ground was heard from a hallway away. I twirled a piece of hair while keeping an open ear to the sounds that were emitting through the door.

"It's my life damn it!" Mello shouted after the sound of china falling. I blinked when I heard the noise of the pieces rebelling against the ground as it was forcibly thrust by Mello.

_That's going to cost a few thousand, _I thought while putting a few more pieces in the puzzle at my own leisure. The taming tones of Roger came through as he attempted to release the tension of the situation. I understand where he is coming from and it is admirable, but in reality he is like a Mc Donalds cheeseburger trying to flee from a hungry obese child. It just won't work.

"Please, Mello. You have to realise that-" he attempted to even out Mello's insane outburst, but the chocolate addict's temper flares up more than a teenager with bad acne as he screams.

"Realise what, Rogers?" _well if you listen to him, you would know. _"I am not your damn pet to be sealed in a cage!" _We never said you were a pet. _I self commentate to myself with just a touch of sarcasm with my voice. Sometimes Mello can be smart, he just doesn't do smart things, it is a shame really. "I'm leaving this hellhole! L is dead and frankly that was only thing keeping me here."

Mello then storms out of the room, gritting his teeth with anger as the door swung off its hinges and falls to the ground with brute force. The place where the door landed, however, happens to be only a few inches from where I was seated. If he really wants to kill me I suggest a sniper gun.

I look up to him as he takes notice to me, "What the hell do you want?" he snarled at me while holding my gaze. I give him a blank expression in response before tilting my head back to the ground putting in another piece of my puzzle in the correct spot. Mello did not seem to enjoy this action, however, because he decided to speak again.

"Just what is your problem?" he yelled out while glaring at me with all of his hatred being aimed at me. When I gave him no answer he became rather violent as he kicked my puzzle into the fire pit. Needless to say I was irked just a little bit. What did I do to piss him off?

I stood up with a stern yet still calm expression and finally spoke to him a controlled manner; to be honest I wanted to shout. "May I ask what my puzzle did to you?" In reality my puzzle did not harm Mello in any way, shape, or form. Was it too much to ask for a simple reason from him?

Apparently it was because for a moment I thought he might punch me with his tightly balled fists. I bit the bottom of my lips in preparation for the assault on me in which Roger would storm out of the room and then call the police immediately to control Mello and perhaps give him a night in prison. Instead, however, he sighs in frustration before picking up a lamp and throwing it to the ground before grunting out to me.

"I hate you," I stood there, blankly accepting the hate war being thrown to me with a calm expression. "No wonder your whore mother sold you off to this orphanage the moment she saw your white hair."

Then he ran out of the Wammy house before Roger could catch up to him. I stood there stricken with shock. Why I had not known that Mello was not a proper confider when I had been spilling my secrets to him is beyond me.

Yes, it is true. My mother was a common whore from New York City and I was dropped off at the Wammy house after birth, it was then I was realised as a genius and sheltered from proper adoption. One could say that I am almost like L's son since he adopted me as his successor.

Roger finally came out and turned to me, "He didn't hurt you, did he?" I shook my head before walking over to the staircase where my room was. Roger unfortunately had noticed my attempt of leaving. "Did he tell you where he was going?" he asked with a curious expression.

"No, but I do know where he is going." I answered shortly, and even though I knew that Roger was going to be asking me where for the rest of the night I quickly rush up to my room and land on my bed.

Want to know what I did on my bed? I cried.

At first I thought I had somehow bled near my eyes, so I stroke my own cheek to see if it was really the sticky red liquid seeping from a cut. But to my surprise when I feel my cheek a hot, colourless, salty liquid run down my face and drip off at my chin.

_So…these are tears huh? _I thought to myself, wiping a few more of them away as they kept on flowing down my face. _I guess there is a first for everything. _

That was the first time I had cried in my life. It was not a horrible feeling; it felt like a well needed release on my emotions that I had pent up in me. I couldn't stop until I felt completely drained, so for that one night I fell asleep to my own choking sobs as my pillow became soaked with my tears.

I had lost my only friend. But do you want to know what the worse part of this is?

He had no idea I was his friend.

~Tuesday

Mood; calm, but still unstable.

Time; three pm

It is hard to believe that just last week I received the news that our late L had been murdered by Kira, and by murder I do not mean the simple 'stabbed with a knife and left obvious trails of DNA as he fled the house' type of murder.

Kira is tricky. He fooled L and killed him the first opportunity he got. Which does make me wonder why L thought I could actually find Kira if he passed away. I do know that I am smart, but if Kira fooled L then how does he suspect me to figure out how the hell to catch this guy?

However it does help that I already know who Kira is. Kira was, is and will always be Light Yagami. No matter how perfect his hair may be and how broad his smile can be that does not mean he is purely good.

Kira is evil and Light is Kira. Therefore Light is evil, if it is not clear to you yet then rinse and repeat. I do not have all day to go over three simple facts with you until your brain receives the information loud and clear.

Though do not think that I believe that L is stupid or anything along those lines. Trust me all of my respect goes to that man for putting his life on the line for the all truly right justice in the world. What Kira believes is justice is glorified murder and an immature reaction to a few flaws in the system.

I do believe that our law system is flawed; more death sentences should be sent out and longer jail time could save lives. I do believe in the death sentence, but what I do not believe in is righteousness being without law.

You know, sometimes it is hard to believe that L is truly gone from this world. The only thing I can do is vow to take revenge on his murderer. But I won't just throw a knife lazily at his heart and watch him suffer while bleeding to his death, no matter how much I want to I am not a hypocrite. Once I do catch Light Yagami, and believe me I am determined I will, he will receive a stern trial with me serving him true justice with perhaps just the slightest smirk on my face.

So here I was, sitting with my knees hunched to my chest and a small group of detectives beside me, trying to figure out the Kira case and do not even bother to ask for my opinion just because I look younger than them. That is a downside to my small stature and my somewhat youthful look.

Finally I said something after a male detective made a rather dim-witted comment stating that Kira may already be dead and Watari had duped all of us, even the world's greatest detective. "L is no moron. Watari was at L's beckon and call during the first couple of murders. I doubt that he has mind control to kill others so he couldn't just turn around and kill in between bathroom breaks," I answered with just the hint of an annoyed tone in my voice. The group of adults stared at me for a moment before Roger finally explained why I was here.

"This is Near. He is L successor." Even though Roger explained that beautifully, the others still seem confused with a teenage boy having higher intelligence standards than the rest of them. Don't blame me for your stupidity on my being a genius, it is not my fault that you can not process what I can.

The conversation continued with less than a word being directed to me. So I held a meeting with me, myself, and I through my thoughts about who Kira is while playing my Nintendo DS silently. The hours seemed to pass slowly while being ignored all but entirely.

A few hours later I was in the car with Roger, driving back to the Wammy house after the meeting had concluded. "Why weren't you speaking, Near?" He had asked me while we were driving.

I began to twirl my hair in an absent-minded fashion before answering, "If no one listens to what you say, what is the point of saying it?" I answer with another question, keeping a still expression on my face.

"Now Near," Roger started, keeping two eyes on the road and a concerned expression on his face, "You know that they care a lot about what you think." To be frank I know he is just trying to be nice, but I am smart enough to know that they don't give a crap about if I am there or not because in their eyes I am just a little boy despite being a genius and most likely smarter than them combined.

When we pulled up to the driveway of the Wammy house I immediately got out of the car and murmured to Roger that I will be up in my room.

I walked down the hallway with ease, but I felt a cold shiver when I see the open door to Mello's old room. The room where all sorts of contests were held to see who was smarter in what areas in which Matt was the judge.

I won most of those contests back then, I regret every winning them as I look back to my childhood.

That was when the hatred started between him and me.

I suppose that is when I truly lost him.

~Wednesday

Mood; Confused.

Time; seven am

I woke up in the morning to the sound of knuckles rapping on the window roughly. Not the best way to awaken I have to say, I rustle out of my bed and peer out my window to see Mello gazing back at me.

"Let me in, damn it!" he demanded me, and since I am a half decent person I let him in with a confused expression on my face. Immediately he begins ranting to me about life outside the Wammy house.

"Ugh, I am attempting to work with a few people; they are so moronic that it makes it impossible to reason with them! The only remotely intelligent person there is Matt and he is addicted to gameboy!" Mello ranted, I gave him a sharp glare before questioning my friend.

"Which 'people' are you working with?" I asked, knowing the answer before the question leaves my lips but hoping that he hadn't fallen down one grave too far. Mello snorted and bared his teeth before grabbing a chocolate bar from his jacket, consuming it whole after removing the wrapper.

Finally he answered, "If I did tell you, I would have to kill you." he gestured to the gun that was shoved in his pants pocket. I nod slowly; truly trying to believe that deep down Mello is a good person.

"Well then what do you want?" I attempted to make small talk, he threw the chocolate bar wrapper to the ground and wiped his hands off with the air of a man with a narcissistic complex.

He cleared his throat before answering, "I need you to tell everyone that I never talked to you and never was here, got it?" He does realise that a way that would make that the truth is if he never came in the first place, right? I have to say the one thing that me from then and I now can agree on is that Mello does have a tendency to jump the gun on many things.

"Then why did you come in the first place?" I asked him. He pushes me to the wall roughly, I attempted to start to make noise but he covered my mouth with his hand roughly and leans into my ear while harshly whispering into the sensitive section in my ear, causing me to flinch slightly.

"Keep quiet," I obliged, knowing that he had a gun on him and could potentially shoot my head off at the moment.

I did not know what he was going to do. That was probably why I stood still as he stared at me for a moment before placing his lips against mine and pressing down hard as my eyes widened.

His lips were soft and warm as they heated my own cold body. I felt him turning his lips and adjusting his body form to force me to open my mouth and let his tongue play around in it.

It was a tingling sensation as I felt the new found tongue in my mouth, moving around slowly as I closed my eyes with a relaxed smirk on my face. Mello's hands pulled my shoulders closer to him as I extended my feet to get closer to him while he lowered his head to make up for the height difference.

Slowly his tongue departed from my mouth, though both him and me wanted to go on for round two. "I've always loved you, Near." he admitted while holding me in a hug that made me just want to stay like that forever.

"I wanted to admit it but every time I thought of revealing that side of me I thought you would reject me…hate me…" he explained, I wrapped my arms around his torso while we melted together. All those years all I wanted from him was acceptance. Now I was getting more than just acceptance. I was getting love.

"Mello…I think I love you…" I mumbled into him quietly as I felt more tears fall from my eyes like sky water.

"Please…be mine…" he asked me in a whisper, rustling my white hair slightly before tilting my head up again and grazing my lips with his own. After the kiss I answered to him in a mumbled voice.

"Yes…"

For a moment we were silent.

For a moment we were perfect.

A light had turned on down the hallway, that was Mello's sign to get the hell out of here or else Roger would catch the runaway and throw him in jail for a few years at the very least.

"I've got to go…see you…" Mello whispered to me as he jumped out my window and ran off to god knows where. I could see the shadow Roger cast when he walked past my room; I quickly picked up Mello's chocolate wrapper and placed it behind me while running back on my bed.

Roger finally knocked on the door before opening it as I had just adjusted to the bed, the blankets covering the bottom half of my body. "Near, did you hear something?" Roger asked me with a curious expression on his face. I shook my head before lying straight up to him. "No, but I did see a racoon outside, probably mating." Roger nodded slowly before closing the door and walking down the hallway and turning off the light, showing that he was going back to bed.

I rubbed my fingers over the crinkled bar wrapper again and again until I memorised every crease on it.

My first kiss wasn't nearly as good as I had thought it would be.

It was better…much better.

~Thursday

Mood; Unsure.

Time; Five pm

That morning I had woken up with Mello's wrapper in my hands tightly. I had fallen asleep with it like a child would with a plush bunny or some other related animal. I sighed as I put the wrapper in my pocket.

It was the only thing to hold on to from Mello, even if it was not necessarily a present by any means.

During the day I kept my mouth shut except when someone actually asked for my opinion on a topic (which, believe me, was extremely rare) and I managed to keep my anti-social wall of toys up rather nicely.

Though in reality I was not thinking about the Kira case. Well, at least not with the passion I had been recently since L passed.

I was thinking about Mello. Where he could be, if he was okay, and if he was dead or not yet. Where had he gone after he fled from the house? Was he already planning on catching Kira without any outside assistance from the Wammy house? I wanted to help him in any way possible but that was the problem.

It wasn't possible.

We are like the ying and yang symbols. His black gothic jacket opposes my plain white shirt violently along with his fire red personality and my calm as water attitude. I guess opposites truly do attract.

After we came back from our meeting on Kira the phone rang. I was in the living room working on a new puzzle.

Roger came walking in from his newly furnished office with a grave expression on his face. I asked with a distant tone in my vocal tones while I refused to look up from my puzzle. "What is it, Roger?"

The older man sighed before finally speaking three words that would change that evening dramatically.

"Mello is dead."

~Friday

Mood; Heartbroken.

Time; I don't know…

You know that feeling where your heart has been ripped out and thrown to the ground violently like it is no ones business? Well that is how I felt the exact moment those words came out of Roger's mouth.

Cause of death? Heart attack.

Kira had killed him in cold blood the moment Light had been strolling through Japan and Mello's gang managed to catch him with a gun to the murderers head. Apparently Misa Amane had been behind Light as he walked and had made an exchange with a shinigami to see the true name of a person and with one swift movement she wrote down Mello's name and he fell to the ground.

Dead.

You know how I said that I would put Light through a trial and condemn him the proper way? Well now I have changed my mind.

I am going to kill that bastard with my own hands for taking Mello away. I may be heartbroken but that doesn't mean I won't get revenge.

Pass me the gun. Mail me the poison. And call me for the funeral.

I'm ready.

~Sunday

Mood; victorious but condemned.

Time; who cares?

I was in shackles as my own trial began right before my eyes. The trial over the death of Light Yagami, also known as Kira.

How did I kill him? Three bullets to the head and two to the heart. I smiled as he fell backwards into his own puddle of blood. Maybe I even chuckled with an evil sort of happiness. I do not know exactly what I did or said before killing him in cold blood but all I do know that I don't regret a single moment of it.

Even though court proceedings take months to go through I already know I am getting a life sentence despite Roger's pleads to the jury and judge. I do not care anymore what sentence I receive. To be honest I am hoping for the death sentence just so I can be with Mello.

"This is a murderer here!" the prosecutor states while pointing at me, I stand there without flinching while the finger is pointed at me. Why would I deny the truth when it is so blatant?

I listen to the lawyer's overpriced blasphemy about how I would kill again if I had the chance and I am a menace to society if I am ever released from prison. Now that _is _a lie to say the least.

I killed for Mello and I will die for Mello if I have to.

He was my only friend, my only lover and my only motivation in life. How can I go on a dead end trail?

Finally the court room drama is over and I am escorted back to my cell. The shackles are kept on me as I sat at the end of my cell. Knowing that I was going to spend a lot of time here if the justice system succeeds.

There is no point in going on. I had made my choice the moment I boarded that plane to Japan and had killed Light Yagami with a second hand gun. There was no going back or going forward.

I feel the inside of my pocket. Mello's wrapper is still there and even though it is sweaty and stained with blood I still hold it tightly before finally realising what my fate was going to be.

I shove the wrapper down my throat and pull the shackles around my neck tighter and tighter as the wrapper prevents me from receiving air. Finally my vision blurs and the choking subsides while I go unconscious and I manage to keep the wrapper down my throat while dying.

Mello…I'll see you in death.


End file.
